When a Dr. says to you “Get your affairs in order, you have cancer”……it is the kiss of death. Regardless of the situation, the type of cancer you have, your current health, your immediate feelings, your pain, or state of mind. Your poor heart breaks and cries out noooooo, this cannot be happening to me. I am not done yet. Take that BACK! Your ears start ringing and you fade away, you stop listening when you hear the word cancer.
All of us at one time or other think “Please God never let me hear the words, You’ve got Cancer“. Yes, I will mourn for others, I will kneel at their graves, I will hold others as their loved ones pass but not me Lord please not the “Big C”. I have been the one, the one who volunteers, who gets the call, too many times to mention, as these poor souls vomit into the abyss, I wipe their brow as they vomit again and again, help them back to bed, dim the bedroom lights, with beautiful scarves over the lamps, because now the lights are just too bright. I am there to give them tiny sips of room temperature juice. To rub them with lotion as the cancer meds destroy the skins elasticity and every little thing brings too much pain. I softly read Chaucer, or Balzac and laugh along with my dear friend and we laugh and laugh together, as we have so many times before as our love for one another is the only thing holding our fragile last moments together. I finish the page, as her hand slowly slips from mine and I know she is gone. I read on, not willing to believe the final page has ended. I know death has released her pain once and for all, and I weep, and the tears just come in a torrent as I gently lie my head on her arm, mumbling goodbye my dear friend, over and over, not wanting to believe this is really the end, after all. I miss you already. I hate this horrid disease with it’s murderous, heinous ability to take everything from you. It can take from one the ability to speak or even breathe, to walk, or eat, to see or hear and worst of all it takes ones very dignity!! Cancer is a murderous beast sent from hell to torture the meek and destroy the mighty.
This is my journey now, it is what I do, I care for loved ones. I sit and read and laugh and cry and hold my loved ones and others loved ones, this is how I pray. I am now the one. Until we meet again on the other side, I love you.
Love Comes in All Sizes! Dedicated to those we love Irene, June, Gramma Van and Poola-Boola
www.envita.com “Stage 4 Cancer Specialists – New Therapies to Fight Cancer”
www.thisislivingwithcancer.com
